A few friends of Imran’s came over and cooked a delicious meal of eggplant and rice while I added lighting references to my spreadsheet for Sorath. I continued to put the word out to try and work out the many logistical issues that have been thrust back on my shoulders since the loss of the person who had agreed to DP and line produce the film. He came in with a lot of promises, and I made sure to keep him in the loop as I moved forward and checked in with him to make sure he was still interested, but after much chasing around to get a hold of him, he dropped the project, just as I had secured puppeteers.That puts into question how I can manage this production. Getting the performances for the film out of these puppeteers who are not quite so finely trained is going to take everything I have and more, but now I have to wrangle camera, light, location, funding and so much more on top of all of that. So I put out calls to friends to see what we could come up with.I’m not gonna pretend this is easy. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure, and on top of the work, there is a realization that financially, I could get back and be all right until I can find a job at the present, but if I sink more into this production, I will be in a much more difficult position. So I tried to enjoy some time with friends, but my mind is of course fixated on these many challenges.Imran’s friend Hisham offered some good advice later that night. He reassured me that regardless of how things went, things would get done. It might not be shot with the skill I want, but one way or another it will get done. My friend Imran had also talked to me about trying to be okay with just letting go, while still doing his best to contact people who may be able to help with resources. It is tough to let go, but important to reassess the overall situation. Is it best to continue down this road, or put a stop to things and regroup?We walked down the street for some late night jalaibis in hot milk. I came back and felt a little lighter. Then I spoke to a potential DP on the phone. He was interested, but wanted to know what I could offer in terms of a budget. That is a fair enough question. I talked to him about the production and where we were at the moment. I discussed what I could pay and other options. I talked to him as someone looking out not just for my interests but for his as well. He is a student, and one thing I have tried to do during this process is to make sure that the people I work with have a good environment to work in. It does leave me open to being labeled naive or easy to take advantage of, but there is a balance in my opinion, between creating a nurturing environment where you can build relationships based on mutual trust and a desire to see each other succeed. The problem arises when both parties are not on the same wavelength regarding that.Afterwards, I talked to another production friend, who is on the opposite end of the spectrum. He tells me about how cut throat everyone is and how he too is the same. It turns out the other DP had dropped out because he decided that he saw no financial gain to be had. Why he wanted me to wait another 10 days, I don’t know. He did know, and said so himself that this was an art film with no commercial value when we first met. He agreed to take on a producer and DP role all the same, making all kinds of lavish promises. I checked with other production friends who know him well and they all vouched for him.Yet in the end, he strung me along, like a vulture, waiting to see if he could get any bits, until he felt there was nothing to get from me and dropped the project. Talking to my rougher around the edges production friend, he made a strong point that my way was not the way to deal with this sea of rabid dogs. It was a very bitter pill to swallow. Once again, I looked back at a lot of my experience working with different artists on this project and the conversation just made me revisit every person who pushed to get a little more of a bite out of me. If I was going to do this project with these people, I needed to push back and get just as cut throat. He is right. Though I resisted the idea in the conversation, and was pretty mad about it all, he was right and by the end of the conversation, I agreed. So this is what needed to be done, but the question for me remained, is this what I should do?I talked a lot to Umar, who was nice enough to listen and share his experiences. He was starting his night shift of working on backgrounds for the film. Each person has their challenges and certainly financial needs to deal with. The question is, how ugly do you get in this system and when you become no different than anyone else, will you still be able to create something beautiful out of all that ugly maneuvering. There seemed to be a lot of maneuvering going on with production people and that’s not my way. Yet if you find yourself working within a system, do you become it or set it on fire. I think you can guess which option I lean towards.